mush~

you know... i always doubt things... and i also know that in the end... i'll just tell myself "WTF... all those times i spent worrying and thinking and doubting... are for what?? bullshits... what is there really to worry at all...? nothing! but it seems i always just do... seems to me it's become my second nature to do so..."
it's quite annoting really... but what can i do...? as i said... it's become my second nature! which is rather shitty... dont you think so...?
but... i can assure you that i'm really trying to change that... it's because of Luke... without even knowing it himself... luke has thought me to be patient... and also let me realized that... all these while... i had been thinking and doubting and worrying too much... i really should stop... it's not healthy...
"Everytime i reached the peak... you came... twice you went MIA without me knowing anything... and twice you came back just in the nick of time... just when i reached the peak of worriness... oh how i do love you..." this is what i want to tell him... but... the usual me... i'm still to afraid too tell my feelings... to anyone... this is one reason why i hate myself so much sometimes...
eventhough i hate myself... luke always makes me feel good about myself... he always have a way to make me laugh when i didn't even want to smile... i know we've only been together for a short time... but this is what it is... i dont know how but it is... it just is...
when he's not around... i start thinking... all the ways that things could go wrong between us... i wouldn't dare say it aloud... but girls... you know what i mean... but when he comes... all those... junk... all those crap and bullshits... all gone... that was when i know for sure that he really do love me... and i always end up hating myself for doubting him... and i love him even more after im done hating myself... haha...
i know im rambling a lot here... la di la da... yada yada yada... yea... i know... but... one thing i know for sure... [thanks to joel... he made me realized this] i worry so much about luke... is not because i dont trust him... it's because i'm afraid to loose him... because i love him so much...
you know what...? i think i should stop right here... or i'll probably bore you to death or smother you to death with too much mush... haha...
well... i'll just say... bottom line... i love lukas no matter what happens... ^^